A list of Useful Tips aka Shouting Into Cyberspace

For those of you without a BFF well-versed in surgery prep, here are a list of things I recommend you do, buy, borrow, or steal:

(for my potential male audience, you might want to skip this post, don't say I didn't warn you!)

Things to do for yourself:

• Get waxed.  Every last inch that you would shave on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis.  Be sure to do this well in advance of surgery to give your underarm skin time to recover before being assaulted again.
• Get your hair color done a week before surgery.  No matter what your friends tell you, trust me, you won't want to have someone pulling on your head and neck for hours on end even a week after surgery.  
• Get a massage.  Treat your soon to be abused body parts to a relaxing massage.  Broken or otherwise, no one's back and neck can withstand the torture of sleeping sitting up or propped onto a wedge for 5 nights.
• Wash everything you own.  Make sure all your favorite pjs, shorts, sweats, towels, everything is clean and ready for your return home.

Things to buy for yourself:

• Bras.  Try on more seamless, wireless bras than you can stand well in advance of your surgery.  Take them to your surgeon for review, he/she will undoubtedly find something wrong with half of your choices.  Choose something light that breathes and has soft fabric.  And did I mention, no seams????  
• Camis with shelf bras.  This is a variant on the above but super valuable to sleep in and swap out too when your boobs get tired of being confined to a bra.
• Pillows.  Find something you can squish up into many shapes, or buy several that you can use to prop yourself up in a semi-reclined position.  You might think you will only use them 8 hours a night but then where do you see yourself the other 16 hours a day?  That's right, propping yourself up in a semi-sitting position on your own hateful couch.
• Sheets.  Pain is a sweaty business.  Buy a couple of twin flat sheets to use as covering for your pillows, couch, a light drape for your sore boobs.
• Snuggly blanket.  You are likely to be slightly chilled for a day or two post-op so a light weight snuggly blanket is essential to staying warm without putting anything heavy on your body.
• Hoodies.  Invest in a couple of light weight hoodies (I buy everything in twos so I can use one/wash one).  You won't want to be putting on your favorite tight tee-shirt anytime too soon.

Things you need for survival:

• Crackers.  Whatever you like best be it saltines, grahms, or something organic.  A nice crunchy salty cracker can not be beat while you struggle to come out of anesthesia.
• Yogurt.  It's easy on the tummy and helps replenish healthy intestinal bacteria.
• Water:  Try buying several 50 oz bottles and drink at least one a day (I said before I do everything in twos so I downed 100 oz daily).
• Straws.  Trust me, you won't want to lift a glass of water even to your lips.  Bending straws will be your new best friends.
• Ginger ale.  Something slight sweet and super bubbly with bite does wonders for your spirit and stomache.
• Hand sanitizer.  You want to stay germ free and keep those around from calling you Howard Hughes when you ask them to wash their hands before touching you.
• DVDs.  Something mindless that can play in the background as you drift in and out of opiate consciousness.

Things to expect:

• Pain.  No, really.  It hurts.  It's not "discomfort" or "uncomfortable".  It's painful to have a breast lift!!!!!  It feels like your incisions are on fire, burning and stinging.  It feels like someone removed your breasts and sewed them back on again.  Cause, yeah, that's what happened.
• Percocet sucks.   The first few tabs are like magic.  The second few are a tease.  The last one is misery.  Headache like to blow the brains out the back of your skull headache accompanied by a rolling nausea.  Fun!!
• Fighting anesthesia.  Waking up is super disorienting, you don't know why you feel like someone just spent hours cutting on you, you just know you don't want to be there anymore.
• Taking off the gauze.  When you first see your taped incisions you might feel like passing out.  Plan ahead and be sure there is something to sit or lie down on, just in case.

Things to hope for:

• Breast that look amazing without a bra.
• Nuff said.